The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.

A sense of humor is the only divine quality of man

The roar of the crowd is the soundtrack of summer, and baseball is the star of the show

Nothing can come out of an artist that is not in the man.

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.

Archbishop – A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.

The overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.

In the seventh grade, I was about to leave wearing a jumper, when my mom said she could see my panty line. So I just wore stockings. That day I broke my ankle, and the EMS cut my tights off. I got a full cast with no stockings on and no panties.

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.

Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife.

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

To examine each part of this humongous land, it may take as long as fifty years.

If we have to have a choice between being dead and pitied, and being alive with a bad image, we’d rather be alive and have the bad image.

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.

They say I slept with seven Miss Worlds. I didn’t. It was only four. I didn’t turn up for the other three.

Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel. They’ll tell you.

They misunderestimated me.

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.

What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around, that’s their job!

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The main reason santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I would like to be remembered as a man who won the heavyweight title three times. Who was humorous and who treated everyone right. As a man who never looked down on those who looked up to him, and who helped as many people as he could. As a man who stood up for his beliefs no matter what. As a man who tried to unite all humankind through faith and love. And if all that’s too much, then I guess I’d settle for being remembered only as a great boxer who became a leader and a champion of his people. And I wouldn’t even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.