Groucho Marx
- Country : United States
- Profession :Comedian
- DOB: 1890-10-02
Groucho Marx (Oct 2, 1890 – Aug 19, 1977) was a comedic genius and a prominent figure in American entertainment. Born Julius Henry Marx in New York City, he, along with his siblings, formed the famous Marx Brothers comedy team. Known for his distinctive appearance, including a greasepaint mustache and cigar, Groucho was the quick-witted and wisecracking member of the group. Their vaudeville and film career included classics like “Duck Soup” and “A Night at the Opera.” Groucho’s iconic one-liners, sharp satire, and irreverent humor made him a beloved figure in comedy. Beyond acting, he hosted the popular radio and television show, “You Bet Your Life,” showcasing his comedic talents to a wider audience.
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.
Author: Groucho MarxMy favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
Author: Groucho MarxWhen I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay.
Author: Groucho MarxWell, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Author: Groucho MarxIf you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don’t come running to me.
Author: Groucho MarxMarried. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can’t see the stove.
Author: Groucho MarxEven suicide is cheaper out here. The California motorist will, on the average, knock off three pedestrians a month.
Author: Groucho MarxJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
Author: Groucho MarxShe’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
Author: Groucho MarxThe hardest thing about old age is finding someone willing to scratch your feet.
Author: Groucho MarxThe other day I met two lions and I subjected them .I subjected them to a series of begging and crying.
Author: Groucho MarxI will not allow injustice or foul play, but if someone is caught practicing corruption if I receive a commission, we will put him against the wall. And we will give the order to shoot!
Author: Groucho MarxThis isn’t a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.
Author: Groucho MarxMiddle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
Author: Groucho MarxThere’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Author: Groucho MarxYesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it.
Author: Groucho MarxThe husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Author: Groucho MarxI could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.
Author: Groucho MarxI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Author: Groucho MarxHe may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Author: Groucho MarxEach morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Author: Groucho MarxAs soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Author: Groucho MarxI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
Author: Groucho MarxIn America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Author: Groucho MarxI’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.
Author: Groucho MarxI wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
Author: Groucho MarxI’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Author: Groucho MarxAlthough it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Author: Groucho MarxWhy a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.
Author: Groucho MarxGentlemen: If you continue to print slanderous material about me, I shall feel compelled to cancel my subscription.
Author: Groucho MarxWhile hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
Author: Groucho MarxWhile money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Author: Groucho MarxThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Author: Groucho MarxPolitics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Author: Groucho MarxLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Author: Groucho MarxWhen you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
Author: Groucho MarxFrom the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Author: Groucho Marx