Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.

You can hit as many revolutions as you want, but women are always going to wear uncomfortable shoes that look good.

Newspaper: A device unable to distinguish between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.

They say I slept with seven Miss Worlds. I didn’t. It was only four. I didn’t turn up for the other three.

He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that, he’s all right.