A joke isn’t yours. It’s used and you don’t know where it’s been.

It’s an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

God is bad, truth is a cheat, and life is a joke.

A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration.

The key to a successful joke is finding the element of truth that everyone can relate to.

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

My dad and I used to watch ‘Ninja Warrior’ all the time back when it was in Japan. I would always say, ‘I could do that,’ kind of joking, but obviously kind of serious.

Trees can’t tell jokes. But we can certainly tell stories. And if all you hear is the whisper of leaves, don’t worry. Most trees are introverts at heart.

See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocrisy.

All great humorists are sad… I cannot help seeing beyond the tinsel of humour, and recognising the pitiful basis of jest – the world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

The only type of humor that is excused lower classness is satire, and satire is the chamber music of comedy – a joke that many people profess to enjoy, but few actually get

The definition of wit is a joke that doesn’t make you laugh.

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.

Some comics don’t like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I’m going to do.

Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we’re talking about it, so it was a good call.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

It’s like that Simpsons joke – they’re filming a cow in a movie and they go, ‘OK, we’ll tape a bunch of cats together to make a cow’, and it’s like, ‘Why don’t you just use a cow?’. For some reason that is novel – like, ‘Oh, my guitar sounds like a piano and now if I can just get my piano to sound like my guitar.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

Beyond the Alps lies more Alps. And The Lord Alps those that Alps themselves.

Gentlemen: If you continue to print slanderous material about me, I shall feel compelled to cancel my subscription.

I’ve always felt that animals are the purest spirits in the world. They don’t fake or hide their feelings, and they are the most loyal creatures on Earth. And somehow we humans think we’re smarter-what a joke.

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That’s no joke. I have a ‘half pipe’ in there, too – you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It’s awesome. It’s the ultimate fantasy.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate, so let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

The extraordinary mystique of hers made you think she lived on rose petals and listened to nothing but Mozart, but it wasn’t true. She was quite funny and ribald. She could tell a dirty joke. She played charades with a great sense of fun and vulgarity, and she could be quite bitchy.

I was given the name by my brother when I was about eleven or twelve years old. He was older than me, and around that age I was starting to get into girls, and when they would call the house for him, and when he was not there, I would try to talk to them. I was trying to be the man and trying to get them to come and see me, not worrying about him. When he found out… he started calling me Ice Cube as a joke because he said I was trying to be too cool. I just liked it and started telling everybody in the hood ‘my name is Ice Cube’.

My reputation as a ladies’ man was a joke that caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights I spent alone.

I laugh and joke, but I don’t get distracted very easily.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.