I can be a very sarcastic person, and sometimes people take every word I say literally.

Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they shouldn’t be related.

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.