Cambridge has seen many strange sights. It has seen Wordsworth drunk and Porson sober. It is now destined to see a better scholar than Wordsworth and a better poet than Porson betwixt and between.

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober

Why don’t we get drunk and screw?

I can be very drunk in a club in Oxford on a Monday night, and some guy comes up to you and buys you a drink and says that the last record you made changed his life. That means something

I was five years old the first time I got drunk.

Written kisses don’t reach their destination, rather they are drunk on the way by the ghosts.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Standing at this liquor store Whiskey coming through my pores Feeling like I run this whole block

I drink ’til I’m drunk, smoke til I’m high Castle on the hill, wake up in the sky

I’m too drunk to walk, let’s drive.

The story goes that I first had the idea for The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy while lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck.

I have often regretted what I have eaten, but never what I have drunk.

A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.

I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.

Me and a mate picked up two darling birds and they took us back to their flat. I went into the bedroom with my bird and she started getting undressed. I was that drunk I was standing there wondering how to get undressed without letting go of the award. I went to sit on the bed, missed it by four feet and ended up lying on the floor. I remember the bird looking down at me, and saying, ‘Some player of the year.’ Then I fell asleep. I woke up still clutching my award and staggered out of the flat. I hadn’t a bloody clue where I was.

I’d give all the Champagne I’ve ever drunk to be playing alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford.

And once he had got really drunk on wine, then he would speak no language but Latin.

Creationists make it sound like a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night. Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author.

How sad, a heart that
does not know how to love, that
does not know what it is to be drunk with love.
If you are not in love, how can you enjoy
the blinding light of the sun,
the soft light of the moon?

Science is a bit like the joke about the drunk who is looking under a lamppost for a key that he has lost on the other side of the street, because that’s where the light is. It has no other choice.

Don’t be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

Don’t be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed up.