Why do they call it rush hour if no one moves?

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

We get to choose who we let in to our weird little worlds.

Smile boy, it’s the sunrise (His last movie line, ever)

Cricket is baseball on Valium.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, “Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.” She’s got a baseball bat and yelling “You want a piece of me?

Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!

Make your life spectacular, I know I did.

Reality what a concept !

Even fools seem smart when they are quiet.

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.

The worst thing in life is not to end up all alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Death is nature’s way of saying, ‘Your table is ready.

In the dictionary under redundant it says see redundant.

I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

Comedy is acting out optimism

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

You’re only given a little spark of madness. Don’t lose it.

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.