We are no longer going to ask for the land, but we are going to take it without negotiating.

Our economy is a hundred times better, than the average African economy. Outside South Africa, what country is [as good as] Zimbabwe?.. What is lacking now are goods on the shelves – that is all.

I am an educationist. I’m an economist. I am a politician. I am also now a good storyteller, you know?

It’s not possible that women can be at par with men.

We don’t mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans.

We have said we will never collapse, never ever. We may have our droughts, our poverty, but as a people we shall never collapse, never ever.

We have fought for our land, we have fought for our sovereignty, small as we are we have won our independence and we are prepared to shed our blood… So, Blair keep your England, and let me keep my Zimbabwe.

What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors.

Only God who appointed me will remove me.

The land is ours. It’s not European and we have taken it, we have given it to the rightful people… Those of white extraction who happen to be in the country and are farming are welcome to do so, but they must do so on the basis of equality.

Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.

If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.

Our votes must go together with our guns. After all, any vote we shall have, shall have been the product of the gun. The gun which produces the vote should remain its security officer – its guarantor. The people’s votes and the people’s guns are always inseparable twins.

The only white man you can trust is a dead white man.

I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once.

South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner.

Dont fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you cant get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.

If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.

Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.