I saw what a mess a lot of people could make of their lives when they’re smitten. Some of them go temporarily insane. They find a person who they think holds the key to their happiness-the only key to their happiness… My work has always been my greatest happiness.

When you think about it, what other playwrights are there besides O’Neill, Tennessee and me?

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you.

Sometimes I don’t drink so the next day I can remember having fun.

Reason was nowhere, time was an immovable object nailed high on the wall, except where the world kept shop.

I know so much about men because I went to night school.

A real farmer. He spent his childhood in the wheat, and his marriage in the hay.

I don’t know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.

I only have ‘yes’ men around me. Who needs ‘no’ men?

I never set out to make men a career; it just happened that way.

I’ve always taken men just as I found ’em, and thank heavens I’ve been able to find ’em.”

In my long and colorful career, one thing stands out: I have been misunderstood.

Girls, give all your gentlemen friends an even break, even if you have to break them in the attempt.

Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Men? Sure, I’ve known lots of them. But I never found one I liked well enough to marry. Besides, I’ve always been busy with my work. Marriage is a career in itself and to make a success of it you’ve got to keep working at it. So until I can give the.

You can do what you want, but saving love doesn’t bring any interest.

I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.

Pour him out of here.

Just a little sheep dip. Panacea for all stomach ailments.

Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct – it’s an art.

Never ask a man where’s he’s been. If he’s out on legitimate business, he doesn’t need an alibi. And, girls, if he has been out on illegitimate business, it’s your own fault.

Personality is the most important thing to an actress’s success.

The censors wouldn’t even let me sit on a guy’s lap, and I’ve been on more laps than a table-napkin.

I’ve always had a weakness for foreign affairs.

The finest woman that ever walked the streets.

Men are my life, diamonds are my career.

Let men see what’s coming to them, and women will get what’s coming to them.

Marriage? I ain’t got time for a husband or child. All my life I’ve looked after myself as if I was my own child.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Too many girls follow the line of least resistance, but a good line is hard to resist.

Always remember honey. A good motto is: Take all you can get and give as little as possible.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.

You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

He’s the kind of man who picks his friends – to pieces.

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

Men would wither and custom stale them, but diamonds! Ah, they were crystallized immortality.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.

Dress gives one the outward sign from which people in general can, and often do, judge upon the inward state of mind and feelings.

Errar es humano, pero se siente divino.

I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.

A man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in.

I’ve been in ‘Who’s Who’ and I know what’s what, but it’ll be the first time I ever made the dictionary.

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.

I have never been able to sleep with anyone. I require a full-size bed so that I can lie in the middle of it and extend my arms spreadeagle on both sides without being obstructed.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Ice is nice at any price.

I’ve no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who’d do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.

I’m a good woman for a bad man.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.

I’d like to see Paris before I die.

Hollywood was like a mouse being followed by a cat called television.

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Dennis Thatcher, husband of Margaret Thatcher, when asked who wore the pants in his house, said “I do, and I also wash and iron them.” I only like two kinds of men; domestic and foreign.

I like a man what takes his time.

Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they’re doing and saying in films right now just shouldn’t be allowed. There’s no dignity anymore and I think that’s very important

I’m the kinda girl who works for Paramount by day, and Fox all night.

Live close, visit often.

Kiss and make up-but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss.

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde

I believe that one day the world will judge the witch hunt against homosexuals just as harshly as it judges the Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust.

I always did like a man in uniform. And that one fits you grand. Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?

I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.

I never needed Panavision and stereophonic sound to woo the world. I did it in black and white on a screen the size of a postage stamp. Honey, that’s talent.

Poor Mary Ann! She gave the guy an inch and now he thinks he’s a ruler.

I believe in the single standard – for men and women.

Good theater is not what is expected, but what surprises.

Some women pick men to marry – and others pick them to pieces.

The bite of existence did not cut into one in Hollywood.

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

If you put your foot in it, be sure it’s your best foot.

I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going before you’ve still got them.

It’s easy to get married, but hard to stay that way.

What’s the good of resisting temptation? There’ll always be more.

I go for two kinds of men. The kind with muscles, and the kind without.

Sometimes it seems to me I’ve known so many men that the FBI ought to come to me first to compare fingerprints.

My advice to those who think they have to take off their clothes to be a star is, once you’re boned, what’s left to create the illusion? Let em wonder. I never believed in giving them too much of me.

Your real security is yourself. You know you can do it, and they can’t ever take that away from you.

No gold-digging for me; I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday.

Men are all alike – except the one you’ve met who’s different.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

One more drink and I’ll be under the host.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Love is the only industry which can’t operate on a five-day week.

It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

A man has more character in his face at forty than at twenty – he has suffered longer.

It’s all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he’s perfect.

The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it.

Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I’d have to give it up.

March isn’t the only thing that’s in like a lion and out like a lamb.

Marriage is like a book. The whole story takes place between the covers.

Some of the wildest men make the best pets.

Woman: You certainly know the way to a man’s heart. Mae West: Funny, too, ’cause I don’t know how to cook.

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and rich is better.

Goodness had nothing to do with it.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you’re heading for a crash. What I’m against is blind flying.

We’re intellectual opposites. Well, I’m intellectual and you’re opposite.

You may think you’re in love when the passions of sex get hold of you, but if you didn’t love the man before, you won’t love him after. Like him, maybe, but not love him.

I’ve been things and seen places.

A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book.

Life’s just a merry-go-round. Come on up. You might get a brass ring.

Beulah, peel me a grape.

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for years.

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

I like my clothes tight enough to show I’m a woman, but loose enough to show I’m a lady.

Ya know it was a toss-up whether I go in for diamonds or sing in the choir. The choir lost.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I freely chose the kind of life I led because I was convinced that a woman has as much right as a man to live the way she does if she does no actual harm to society.

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.

When you get the personality, you don’t need the nudity.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.

Love thy neighbor – and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.

It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

I have never loved a man as much as I have loved myself.

Brains are an asset to the woman in love who’s smart enough to hide ’em.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present.

Come up and see me sometime.

Dates in Calendar are Closer Than They Appear! Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Keep a diary, and someday it’ll keep you.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I’m tired.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

When in doubt take a bath.

I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

Women want certain things in marriage – the right to a title and a front seat in the lap of luxury.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

Brains are an asset, if you hide them.

No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

Money is of value for what it buys, and in love it buys time, place, intimacy, comfort, and a private corner alone.

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you.

Dating means two things; disillusionment or a racing heart.

A good man is hard to find – but you’ll mostly find him asleep.

You gotta get up early in the morning to catch a fox and stay up late at night to get a mink.

Don’t let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

Let’s get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.

Love is what you make it and who you make it with.

Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings.

For a long time I was ashamed of the way I lived. Did I reform, you ask? No. I’m not ashamed anymore.

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

Look your best – who said love is blind?

I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Words should be used as tools of communication and not as a substitute for action.

Well, the end of another busy day. I can’t wait till I get back to bed. If that don’t work I’ll try to sleep.

Never mind about the six feet. Let’s talk about the seven inches.

The score never interested me, only the game.

The best way to behave is to misbehave.

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

I’m no angel, but I’ve spread my wings a bit.

I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss, de meaner I get.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

How tall are you big boy? Six foot nine inches! Let’s go up to my place and talk about the nine inches.

A man’s kiss is his signature.

A hard man is good to find.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

You are never too old to become younger.

Don’t cry for a man who’s left you – the next one may fall for your smile.

Well behaved women do not make history.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Don’t ever make the same mistake twice unless it pays.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.

Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love – that’s not so bad either.

I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

Everything’s in the mind. That’s where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it.

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.